Now what I am writing is not actually what I want to write, but what I want to make you hear. There are things that I need to make you understand and then there are things that you can never understand in your life. But I do not mean to force you into thinking that you could have given Shrek’s donkey a run for his money. Well, if you are wondering what actually is it that I want to make you hear, then please stop wondering- you are no good at it. But trust me on this one- I do not have my tongue in cheek or for that matter nor do I have any other undesired object in my cheek. The reason is fairly as plain as your brain- that you are an honourable man.
Today, I discovered various ways in which you can lose the spirit of your life and then drain the entire fun into the over-polluted Holy Ganges. Things like- rainfall when not needed, birds sitting on trees and shitting on your head, some cheeky but beautiful girl not even giving you a glance in return for your stares and ages of gazes, a good friend who backstabs you whenever the need be with every good intention of not backstabbing you, relatives who consider themselves brighter than tube lights and of course a bunch of creepy people trying to give your brain a wash with all the dirt of the world- make you believe that life is just a four-day-game of sitting around and cursing. But you honourable fellow, you are such a sweet species! You are not even capable of offending anyone. No wonder you are an honourable man.
Now Sir, here is the fact of the day. That your mind grows older everyday. And as it grows older, it constricts and contracts and behold! You have got such a narrow mind! And how you do justice to that narrow thing with all your heart! I sometimes wonder if all honourable men were from Narrowland. (And you are an honourable man, Sir.)
Let’s talk about the stuff that you talk about. And you only talk in large quantity. I mean the more you talk, the more I wonder at your Narrowland origins. And sometimes I have noticed that when you talk so well, others feel pissed of even to open their mouths, lest they should disturb you. And then there is only one thing that comes to my mind. The more the narrower. Clearly of course you are an honourable man in all your narrowness.
Now honour is a big word. A word specially invented for people like you. This word was invented to adorn you with praises just like deodorants which were invented to be applied on stinking parts of a body. Sometimes I wonder how much the word ‘honour’ owes you. It was there unused, discarded, and obsolete; used only for people in history books and mythology. But then your breed comes in and the word ‘honour’ is in fashion. I only wish that ‘honour killings‘ were also so much in fashion.
But now before I honour you more, which you so aptly deserve, I need to make an important point: that I am losing all my honour as I keep typing honourable things about you. But then that’s nothing new. People always lose their honours whenever you are around. The reason is your magnetic honourable personality. You attract honour from all corners just like a magnet. And hence before I finally lose all my honour, let me end this with a last little quip. Y U such an honourable man?